Tantrumsare a normal part of child growth and development. Children throw tantrums to seek attention. The attention of their parents, guardians, or their loved ones around.
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Why do kids throw tantrums?
Tantrums may happen for different reasons. It may happen if the child is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. Tantrums may also happen when the child is upset or frustrated or something is bothering him/her that he/she is not able to express clearly. They may tumble upside down or behave nasty when they can’t get something like a toy, candy, or anything of their interest.
Children having tantrums might cry, scream, resist eating food, become aggressive, run away, or might create a mess. For young children, tantrums happen because they do not have right speech, sign or language in expressing their feelings. Toddlers or elder children throw tantrums because they’re still learning to self-regulate or discipline themselves and the list may go on.
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Some children throw tantrums too frequently to seek attention. Children with gratification are less likely to do that. A self-discipline child is able to take a stronger stand against temptations than a less disciplined one. So, it is important to impart self-discipline in children.
Tantrums usually begin in children as early as the age of 12 to 18 months. It gets worse between age 2 to 3, then decreases until age 4 and so on. Tantrums get worsened when the children do not have the right speech, signal, or vocabulary to express their feelings.
How do respond to kids’ tantrums? Best 5 ways.
Coping with tantrums requires parental efforts, emotionally and mentally. Parents must learn to balance the difference between needs and desires and cut on unwanted demands. The only way possible out to this is to understand the reason behind it.
When kids throw tantrums these 5 steps can help parents to handle the situation in much simple way:
Stay Calm
This is the best way to respond to a children’s tantrum. Always believe that all children throw tantrums at some point in time but for different reasons. It is normal behavior. So, if parents observe that the child is throwing tantrum, they must keep themselves calm and accept this behavior. Take a pause and breathe. Try to observe and understand the reason why the child is behaving in such a manner? What is it that’s bothering the child? Give the child some time to settle on his own.
When the child sees that the parents are staying calm on this kind of behavior he will not throw tantrums for longer. He may want to talk to you and express or explain the reason. Have quality time-outs together.
Respond and don’t react
A parent must respond to the child’s tantrum, with confidence, and do not react to it. An immediate reaction may worsen the situation. Children may feel unwanted. Or they may develop a feeling of not being loved and cared. A poignant feeling may settle in their tiny brains.
For eg: if a child breaks a glass instead of reacting or yelling at him, one may respond in a calm manner and say, ” This was your favorite glass and now you have to drink your favorite milkshake in other common glasses.” To respond in a calm manner, it is very important that the parents must be at their inner peace first. A regular meditation can be a great help.
Stay close and be emotionally available
The parents must extend emotional support to children during their tantrums and try to calm them down. Don’t take your toddler’s tantrum personally. Try to stay closely focused on them and encourage all their feelings.
A small hug creates magic. Hugs make children feel secure and let them know that they are still being cared for, even if others don’t agree with their behavior. Talk about their emotions and understand the reason behind them. Some children, out of envy, behave in disparity and try to influence their parents for something that they have seen with some other child and want to desire the same. They do not express it directly and create chaos to make their parents understand the same without them uttering a word.
Try distractions
This is another pragmatic way to lower tantrums. A change of location can be effective. Children easily get distracted when they find other choices for their interests. Try to divert your child to something more appropriate and feasible. Or indulge them in activities where there can be parent-child coordination. Like, a child who is demanding a video game can be easily distracted by saying “let’s go to the play area and have the rounds of your favorite game.” Or you may also divert the attention to good story books of their choice.
Let your child burst out anger
Sometimes children just need to get their anger out. So let them! (Just make sure there’s nothing in tantrums way that could hurt them.) I believe this approach because it helps children learn how to vent in a non-destructive way. They’re able to get their feelings out, pull themselves together, and regain self-control—without engaging in a yelling match or battle of wills with you.”
Well, there’s no one right way to deal with a toddler temper tantrum. But having a defined set of rules can be helpful. At the top of the “don’t” list are yelling and hitting, but short-term solutions such as bribing, begging, and giving in are also poor strategies. “If you give in, you are rewarding the tantrum and ensuring that it will happen again and again.
When should parents worry about toddler tantrums?
Tantrums are a normal part of your child’s growth and development. It happen as a child learns to become more independent. Tantrums happen most frequently between ages 1 and 4, averaging up to one or two per day. They typically decrease when a child starts going to school. At this age, they’re talking more, so they can express their needs verbally.
Tantrums usually last between two to fifteen minutes. Violent tantrums that last longer than 15 minutes may be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child has lengthy, violent outbursts, talk to his pediatrician or healthcare provider.
If child throws a tantrum, is it a sign of bad parenting?
A child’s temper tantrum is not a reflection of poor parenting. They’re a normal part of child development. It is an inability of a child to express his wants in a clearer way. The child wants immediate attention. There can be a possibility that the child has been influenced by someone. The parent only needs to understand the reason behind it and try to find an alternative or the abiding solution to prevent it from happening again.
What can I do to help my child behave well?
Foremost, accept your child’s basic personality, whether it’s shy, social, talkative, active, introvert, or extrovert. Basic personality is inherited, it changes gradually with the learning phase but can’t be transformed completely. Let the child be on his own. He will thrive at his own pace.
Also, one can make a list of important rules and go over them with your child. Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and mealtimes. Rules can be related to behavior, etiquette, mannerism, and expectations. The fewer the rules, the less rule-breaking behavior you may have to deal with.
Do not overreact and yell at a child’s tantrum. Instead, take a pause, breathe and walk away. Give some time to settle things. Once, the situation is calmer talk to your child. Grab their attention. All they need is someone to listen to them. Give yourself a NO yelling challenge.
Last and not least, adjust your expectations. Remember that kids have normal behavior. And they get easily influenced. They act on similar lines, what they observe. So try making an environment what you want them to be like. Eventually, they will fall for it.
What should I do after the temper tantrum?
Once the tantrum is over, you can engage your child in conversation about what had happened. You can talk to your child and discuss what was the reason behind it and what should be done to prevent it from happening again in the future. Try to:
- Offer praise to distract or change the subject: Reinforce your child’s positive behavior and good choices. Children like when they are being recognized or appreciated for their good behavior. Be as specific as possible. Instead of, “You were so good,” say, “You did a great job!.” These statements helps the child to understand what kind of behaviors are expected and acceptable.
- Acknowledge their feelings: Let your child know that you understand their situation and are there to help them overcome it. They can talk to you about it. Listen them carefully and offer help. Often, children likes to seek attention, so acknowledging them can help ease their emotions.
- Teach your child to label emotions: Little children often don’t have the right vocabulary they need to express themselves. They can’t describe the reason behind their frustration, jealousy, anger, or disappointment. Through tantrums, they express their feelings. Give them the right words they need. “I see you’re angry now. You’re not in a good mood. You look upset. What is bothering you?” Such words lay the first step to easing them down. They may know exactly what they are going through and then they would like to talk about it.
- Teach your child how to handle emotions: Help them to figure out how to deal with a problem without getting themselves disturbed. They’ll learn that they can manage some of their problems themselves. They’ll become more independent to handle situations.
- Set a good example: Children look up to their parents, watching their behavior. Show them healthy strategies when you’re upset or frustrated. Your child will begin to copy your behavior.
Tantrums are a normal part of child’s development. Almost all toddlers throw frequent tantrums, an average of one a day. Temper tantrums often happen because children want to be independent but still seek a parent’s attention. Especially young children, as they lack the verbal skills to express their feelings. When temper tantrums erupt, the best is to stay calm until it is over.
When your child calms down, help them label those emotions and find a better way to respond. If your child has tantrums that last longer than 15 minutes or are very violent, talk to a healthcare provider.
