As a parent, you too want your children to listen to you – isn’t it? But, how often do your children listen to you? Let me ask, if your kids listen or your kids don’t listen to you – Always, sometimes, hardly, or never?? The answers may vary. The reasons could differ. Well, we all are different. And the first thing to watch out for this is to accept each other’s acceptance, the way we are.
Like every other parent, you must be wondering at times, that why only my kids don’t listen to what I say? What is wrong with them? How is it that the other kids listen to their parents? Are they more well-behaved children than mine? Didn’t I teach them basic mannerisms? Is my child on the right path?
Many such questions arise when we see our kids, too often, don’t listen to us. Sometimes, we feel embarrassed too, for their bad behavior, or when they behave obnoxiously in front of others or when they yell back at us. We scold them for such kinds of behaviors or attitudes. They feel bad about being scolded. And that’s when the gap comes in. This one common picture of parenting can be seen every next door.
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What could be the reasons behind that? Let’s go through a list of reasons behind that.
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Lets’ begin this with a simple quote.
What you sow is what you reap!
The same applies to the kids as well. Kids are like bare molds. What they see; they observe, learn, believe and develop themselves. This is how most kids grow. What they get is what they become and return.
Kids seek attention. The younger they are, the more they want. So, parents must pay complete attention to their kids. They should pay attention to their physical, mental, and emotional needs. When kids feel a lack of attention from their loved ones, they may feel neglected. They may not be willing to talk with them. They may hide things. Parents must develop open communication with their kids. Parents should ask these questions from their kids.
When kids see that their parents are being attentive to their needs, they also pay attention and listen to them. It is like a give-and-take policy.
Kids are innocent. They are not adults, so they do not behave like one. They fail to understand the right or wrong for them. All they need is someone who can listen to them without being judged. So, they seek attention from their loved ones.
When they get attention, they get a sense of security. They start developing connection with that person. They see them as their pillar, strength and support. They believe that they can talk their hearts and mind with such person. Such connection is build with kids over the period of time. Parenting plays an important role in growth and development of children.
Kids don’t listen when they sense or feel a lack of connection from their loved ones. Without a strong connection, kids will often resist to open, avoid interactions or involvements, lack attention and don’t listen properly.
Kids are basket of potential energy. It is important to channelize their energies in constructive manner. To keep them motivated, their each effort, big or small must be acknowledged or appreciated. When they get so, they develop a sense of pride in them. It helps them build confidence and self-esteem.
A small token of appreciation sets positive vibes in them. They feel like doing more. When they do not get so, they may not feel like doing or may even loose interests. Parents must charge their kids with positive mindset. They should make them believe that their each effort matters than being perfect.
Do not set too many rules or restrictions for kids. They may feel rigid. Boxing their energies may limit their high aims. Instead, give them the wings of creativity or imaginations. They may surprise you with their vivid antics.
When kids know that they are being restricted with rules, they do those things, but behind our back. Sometimes, kids don’t listen also. So, it is better to keep an eye watch on them.
But, Hey! That does not mean giving them full freedom to live a life of their choice. Do set their routines, schedules, dos’ and don’ts list. They must know their limits and boundaries.
Kids often don’t listen if they have a feeling of insecurity. Insecurity is a complete package. It has other hidden feelings with it. Kids may feel anxious, disappointed, envy, jealous, hatred, or just simple insecure. They feel:
Poor mental health is another main reason why kids don’t listen the first time. Children must be both physically and mentally strong. They are in direct proportion to each other. Parents should keep monitoring and supporting the mental health of their children.
If mental health is not good they may not be able to perform well, make decisions or express themselves freely. They may feel nasty. They may even avoid talking or listening to their parents or loved ones. And, the surprising thing would be that they won’t come to know what could be reason behind such behavior. It may thrive over the period of time and their personality might get affected.
Children are smart. They have a different set of minds and grab things likewise. They learn at their own pace. Don’t expect them to be quick and perfect. In order to make them disciplined and well-behaved, some parents yell when children don’t listen or do things as instructed. If kids don’t listen, don’t yell at them. If children are being yelled at frequently even for small things, they may become reluctant to listen. To make them listen and get the work done from them, the things must be instructed at their level. Instead of saying: “clean your room now, you can try: I don’t feel like going to your room. It is messy.”
A simple way to ensure your children has heard you and they understand what you have said is to ask them to repeat what you said. If they have listened to you, they will give back the message in their language. If not, they will try to divert the topic and your attention.
Parents should pay complete attention to them when they come and talk. While talking they should keep all things aside and maintain eye contact with them. If they are busy with some important work or meeting, they may excuse themselves by saying – I am in the middle of something right now. I will talk to you once I am done! Or they try – Will you please excuse me… Or, Give me some time my child. I will get back to you! Using such small sentences will make them understand the importance of each other’s time and work.
Children are choosy and demanding. They like being given options instead of getting instructions. Giving them options will make them learn self-decision. Whether right or wrong, let them decide. Anyway, they will learn. This in turn will increase their self-confidence and cognitive skills.
Parents can try with small statements: Choose the dress you want to wear. Or which color shoe will go with your dress. What do you want to eat for lunch or dinner? Or the option to decide the game they want to play of their choice.
Parents have to be very very patient with children. They may repeat twice, thrice, or until they understand. If kids don’t listen first, second or third-time parents should respond to them each time and do not react. I repeat do not react. Why? Because our every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Be calm and patient when dealing with kids, especially the younger ones.
Set limits for children. This practice should begin from an early age. Give them freedom, choice, or liberty to explore things but make them understand their limits. They should themselves know what and how much they are allowed to do what. This practice will make them self-disciplined, obedient and responsible person.
If kids don’t listen to parents, first should try to understand the reason behind it. What could be the reason why kids are not listening. Is there something bothering them? Are they not liking something? Or any other reason. Try to look and understand things from their point of view. Then talk to them and solve the matter.
This is another interesting way every parent should try. Positive parenting is becoming worldwide famous and many parents have benefited from this. I have switched to it personally and seeking results.
A balanced and nutritious diet should be a must for growing children. When children eat a proper diet their muscles and strength develop. It gives them the energy to perform well. Their physical fitness becomes powerful and improves their mental health too.
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